Eyes on Mars

Eyes on Mars

by Amit Mehra

You can run but you can't hide. That was suppose to be the last line of this article but since live Critique feed (LCF) on this article strongly suggested that I use it as an opening...so here we are.

The only problem is that now I am confused on how to end this article. But I guess that's a small price to pay for living in the future as a creative entity. Oh I have just received a message on my hand device that the ending too will be provided by LCF's central command. Now isn't this wonderful? Sorry...I stand corrected isn't it marvelous? Thanks LCF. (they felt the word wonderful is used often and also when used in that sentence...it reeks of unwarranted sarcasm. I agree)

I am so glad that now we have a critique system that is live...as in they review your work as you create it, when you create it. No more long months of anguish, waiting for a response or a reaction for one's work. I mean I have no idea why in the past the critics were not allowed to critique a creative product as it was being created. For some filmmakers, the wait for getting a critique of their work was so long. First make the film – 6-10 months. Then plan the release strategy, film promotions. Another 1-2 months gone and then the film released and only one day after that was the poor filmmaker able to read the love showered on him by the kind reviewers community. (hooray..this entire para has met with great enthusiasm and approval by the central command of LCF. Now who says reviewers don't have a heart? Who says they are not supportive of low IQ filmmakers trying to share their low IQ world view?)

You see the reviewers were always the best support system for filmmakers who generally developed a low IQ from the day they wielded the megaphone. They had no idea what the audience wanted. The reviewers did. Which is why more people read reviews instead of watching films. It's just that one only saw real benefits of it once the Live Critique Feed started. One did get a glimpse of it when the reviews started coming out on the same day as the film's release and then later on review tweets the moment a reviewer walked out of the first show but roots of LCF actually lies in the brilliant idea of some revolutionary journalists who started reviewing the film even before it's release. I knew then that it was a matter of time before this river of wisdom will be accessible to the poor thirsty filmmakers in dire need of such holy grail. ( I have just been informed by LCF that my membership has been upgraded to Gold class even as I write this article. This means now I will get free reviews of ideas as they are germinating in my head. How cool is that?)

So it came as no surprise when one fine day a small battalion of journalists landed up on my shoot, all armed with hawk eyes and wisdom of thousand years of cinema even though cinema had only been a 100 odd years old till then. They had super powers. I still remember my delight when after every shot, I would get a tweet or a text or video review of where I was going wrong or what I was doing right. What a pleasure it was to have such a support. Karan Johar made films about happy families but I was making a film as a happy family not a lonely grumpy brooding filmmaker. A happy family of filmmaker and reviewers.

Today, LCF is a much better developed format of that. Now a filmmaker not only gets the prompt review of every shot he does but gold class members (which I am now...yipeee) also get reviewed as we sit sipping our coffee thinking of an idea to make a film. Life's a peach. What else, now we also have feedback of audience on the reviews available to us live as we work. We are slowly moving from family filmmaking process to community and soon it will be global and who knows one day we may even get reviews and suggestions from Mars. Don't forget Martians have alien powers and they can probably analyze my work years before I have even thought of it. Now that would be revolutionary...to have eyes on Mars...watching over you.

Such a blessed life it is as a filmmaker....there is no need to hide. No need to run. Everyone knows everything already that you have done . Ah...what a liberating feeling it is not to tell a story that has never been told, reviewed, accepted or rejected till the day it is released. What a pre-historic notion that was to be judged only after committing a crime.

(My Gold card just arrived. I am so happy....)


  1. Anonymous4:17 PM

    Truly brilliant jang,at times u should leave the arri alone & focus on writing.The cynnicism is palpible yet not overbearing.Also read more authors like Hunter.S.Thompson.But again dude,brilliant writing -gaurav swami.

  2. thanks gaurix. :-)

  3. Anonymous12:42 PM

    Interesting read! and the thought is so compelling. Well done rubik baba!

  4. Jyothi Muthusami1:19 PM

    Well written; the sarcasm would be funny if it wasn't so true.

  5. a critique of the critiques...good stuff Amit.

  6. Anonymous7:17 PM

    Amit, this is truly futuristic. you are Bonkers and thus your mind leads you to be creative, you need to do more than films, yes writing, try art and humor. The day is not far when this will happen already 20 somethings can impart wisdom to you on how to MANAGE your life. Remember also the days when Music was on a Transistor, Amin Sayani and Binaca Geet Mala. Telephone was going to a Post office and booking a call Ordinary, Urgent or lightening, also PP. Technology is causing life to change, lets keep our minds open. Well done Boss. Apu

  7. Anonymous11:39 PM

    i hope it stays as farfetched as it sounds, sarcasm or not :)
    alas, verily verily true, though...
    more tongue in cheek than sarcasm, i thought, but perhaps i need to join the sarcasm society group on fb! - anita

  8. Anonymous10:03 AM

    very observant and true!

  9. Great work. I like that, "Karan Johar made films about happy families but I was making a film as a happy family not a lonely grumpy brooding filmmaker. A happy family of filmmaker and reviewers." the most ;-)

  10. Earthling, you must have received your LCF Gold Pass at 1231 earth hours on 19.05.2010 earth time cycle. Use it responsibly and with all respect to the LCF. The embedded self-destruct chip is sending feeds to us telling us exactly you respond, remark and feel about the LCF. Beware. Being elevated brings you closer to the inevitable. - Zzzorrk, Senior Commandant, LCF Martian Storm Troopers.

  11. interesting , I too am guilty of reading reviews, though when a film gets a bad review, I defi make it a point to watch that film :)


  12. Anonymous12:36 PM

    stop being so greedy! for the gold card you worked hand-in-hand....next you'll want an upgrade to platinum...for which you'll work...what...hand-in-glove?

  13. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  14. I really love what you wrote it so funny


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